There's a difference between being a hippie, and a dirty asshole.

I know a plethora of people who would consider themselves hippies. They are Earth conscious, open-minded, free-spirited individuals that have an idealistic view on humanity and would never do anything to anyone that they would not want to happen to themselves. Their hair isn't necessarily dreaded , nor do they smell of petiole oil, or wear dashikis and hemp necklaces, however some do, and they still are awesome individuals that I consider very dear friends. I give respect to anyone who will return the gesture and I always try to reserve my judgments of an individual that I first meet, until I get a feel for the content of their character, rather than judge by their clothes, life style, or bathing habits.

That being said, in my years spent in Boulder, and Glenwood, I have come across a numerous amount of people that, on the surface, want to fall into the "hippie" category, but really are terrible people. They are selfish, lazy, angry individuals, that leech of those willing to help, and like a parasite, have only a negative effect on the town, city, street mall, or establishment that host them.

My most recent encounter with such individuals came last week; at my place of employment. Three individuals sat in my section, dawning dreads, beards, home knitted hats, and dirty clothes. They fit the cliché appearance of a "hippie", but I would come to find out that they really were just a bunch of dirty assholes. After one individual tried to order a pitcher of beer with three glasses I asked for three I.D.'s to prove their age. Two of the individuals were able to meet my request, but the third informed me that she wasn't drinking, and so I brought only two glasses. They drank and talked, and as I went about my business, I began to notice that the young woman was taking sips of beer out of the glasses of the two that accompanied her. After letting it slide the first couple of times, her persistence forced me to confront her, and I politely asked her to stop. She fed me some bullshit of how she has been served there before, and that she had her I.D. stolen a week earlier (which I would come to find out was a lie, and that she wasn't infact 21 by a girl that knows her). She also told me she wasn't a narc, and she just wanted to drink a beer after a long day's work. I continued to be polite about the matter, and told her that if she didn't have an I.D. she cannot drink, and if it happened again she would have to leave. Of course she ignored my request, and my co-worker Nate observed her defiance, who told her to "watch herself". From that moment on I heard them talking shit about me, and Nate, and even though we didn't see her drink again, she most likely had her share of beer as we went about our business.

After fifteen minutes or so I noticed one individual had left the restaurant, leaving the underage girl, and a bearded clam (who I have come to find out is named Mike Madigan), trying to pass himself off as a bearded man. They sat in my section for another half hour, and when I asked if they needed anything else, they declined. I returned to my computer to get their ticket, and in the minute it took me to return, I witnessed both individuals walking out the door. I promptly followed them and yelled from the front door "excuse me". Of course they ignored me and quickened their pace. I followed suit for almost two blocks and my monologue behind them went something like this as I swiftly followed:

"Excuse I'm talking to you...Hey, you two, dreads and beard, you didn't pay your tab...I know you can hear me, you weren't deaf five minutes ago...Don't make me call the cops, you don't want to go to jail over $20 bucks do you?...All right assholes we're calling the cops...Karma is a bitch mother fuckers, go fuck yourself."



Respectable people don't do that to others. People who call themselves "hippies" shouldn't do that to others.  If you want to be a hippie thats fine, but stick to hippie ideals.  These two did not stick to what I belive hippies claim to stand for.  I asked the girl politely to quit drinking, she copped an attitude and ignored me. She lied about her age, and she put the pub's liquor license, my job, and multiple others at risk, because she felt entitled to what she wanted. Not only did she break the law drinking, they stole from the pub, obviously didn't leave a tip, and even when confronted, continued to walk down the street as if they were Helen Keller taking a stroll. I'm not saying that there aren’t non-hippie looking assholes that walk out on tabs, or screw over others just because they can, but in my experience this breed is more apt to do so.

If anyone who reads this knows a Mike Madigan in Glenwood Springs, that goes by "Hippie Mike", give him a good cunt punt for me. If he happens to be accompanied by a dreaded Asian girl, with bad teeth, do the same to her. If Mike or that girl ever happens to read this, I'd like to say this: you aren't hippies. You're walking garbage that smells as such. Continue dropping acid, neglecting yourself, avoiding work, screwing over others, and telling yourself that you're a good person. You might be able to fool yourself, but you're not fooling anyone else. As I said, karma is a bitch, good luck with your shitty life.